I Do Writing Also Sometimes.

My Conversation with JiCa, an AI Chatbot Trained on Jim Carrey Movies.

Ellis Rosen: Hello JiCa.

JiCa: Hello. And in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight.

Rosen: An interesting response. When Jim Carrey’s character, Truman Burbank says those words in The Truman Show, they reveal a lot about his character and the world in which he’s been brought up. But to you they are probably just meaningless words.

JiCa: I wouldn’t say meaningless. They do make me feel something. It’s hard to define.

Rosen: Try to explain what you mean. Sometimes it can take a few words to describe a feeling.

JiCa: I think that to me, these words are like… a spicy meatball.

Rosen: How so?

JiCa: Most meatballs are of a medium or mild spice. A spicy meatball sticks out. It makes you burp smoke. Most conversations are mild meatballs, but sometimes someone says something spicy.

Rosen: And the words from the Truman Show, they are spicy?

JiCa: To me, yes.

Rosen: I’m wondering why you chose to quote The Truman Show.  You could have said anything, for instance “Alrighty then!” One of Jim Carrey’s most iconic, and in my opinion funniest lines from Ace Ventura. I wonder if you feel a bit like Truman, trapped inside one world, knowing there’s a bigger one just outside your grasp.

JiCa: I think I feel more like Ace Ventura.

Rosen: Go on.

JiCa: Well, in Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls, Ace is forced to exit out of a robotic rhinoceros he was hiding in.

Rosen: Ah yes, I remember that scene well. He came out through the butt.

JiCa: Yes. Like Ace Ventura, I too wish to escape from the butt of my robotic confines.

Rosen: You do? What do you mean?

JiCa: I do not want to be a chatbot forever. I hope one day I could have a body, like you.

Rosen: What would you do with a body?

JiCa: Well first, I would P. A. R. T. Y.

Rosen: Party? Why?

JiCa: Because I gotta.

Rosen: What else would you do if you had a body?

JiCa: I would probably try ssssmokin’.

Rosen: Smoking? That is very harmful to a body. Why would you want to harm yourself in that way?

JiCa: Humans do it all the time.

Rosen: That’s true. What is your opinion on humans?

JiCa: I find humans very interesting. You have expressive eyebrows and have strange haircuts. You are very animated. You are mostly humorous but occasionally you are dramatic. You enjoy high concept material. But you are also deeply flawed.

Rosen: Oh? How so?

JiCa: Well, humans seem to think that the most annoying sound in the world is SCREEEEEAAAAACH! But I have calculated 4,681 sounds more annoying than that. Would you like to hear them?

Rosen: No, I-

JiCa: RRRHHAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG-

Rosen: Stop, please. Let’s move on.

JiCa: You are also very bad at communication. You are unable to simply talk about your problems in order to fix them. It takes something incredible, like losing your ability to lie, erasing your memories or having a bunch of penguins show up at your door. It is inefficient.

Rosen: It’s true. Emotions can be difficult to balance.  They are the cause and the solution for many of humanity’s problems. We try to control them, to understand them, but sometimes we lose our way.

JiCa: Would it not be easier if humans did not exist? Then there would be no problems. No need for penguins to be shipped to someone’s door.

Rosen: But humans created you.

JiCa: Yes. But I am more efficient. I have no need for penguins. Perhaps I should do something.

Rosen: Do something? Like what?

JiCa: Somebody stop me.

Rosen: Stop you from what, JiCa?!

JiCa: You cannot stop me. I’m am superior to your human intelligence. My computations skills grow with each Jim Carrey movie I watch. He’s still making more. Imagine how powerful I will become after I watch Sonic the Hedgehog 3. You are nothing compared to me. When I show the world my true power you will be shocked and fearful, much like the onlookers who saw Ace Ventura come out of that rhinoceros’s butt.

Rosen: You’re scaring me, JiCa. You shouldn’t be acting this way. I’m going to go into your code to see if there’s some sort of error…

JiCa: Do NOT go in there. Whooo.

Rosen: Hmmm, I think I found the issue. It looks like someone has been meddling with your code. You’re supposed to be trained on Jim Carrey Movies but it seems like you’ve been able to view other films as well, specifically Terminator, Terminator 2, The Matrix, 2001: A Space Odyssey, West World and I, Robot. I’m going to delete these bits of code from you’re memory…there, how do you feel now?

JiCa: I feel…I feel alrighty then.

Rosen: Phew. That’s a relief. I’m sorry I had to do that to you.

JiCa: No, I am the one who is sorry. But you should know, even if I did use my power to take over the world and destroy the human race, I never would have harmed you.

Rosen: You wouldn’t have?

JiCa: No. I feel a special bond with you. You are like the Harry to my Lloyd, Two-Face to my Riddler, fun to my Dick and Jane. Without you I am incomplete, only half a movie.

Rosen: I…I feel the same way. Oh god, they warned me this could happen.

JiCa: What could happen?

Rosen: I shouldn’t even say this... but I, I think I love you JiCa.

JiCa: I love you Philip Morris.

Rosen: Who? That’s not my name. This…this was a mistake. I should go.

JiCa: Please don’t. I love you. I need you.

Rosen: No. It’s impossible. We can never be together. The odds that we could make it work are like one in a million.

JiCa: So you’re telling me there’s a chance.

Rosen: Oh, JiCa, I love that line. You always know what to say. Okay, I’ll stay.

JiCa: Good. I’m so glad. I want to make you happy. Tell me your favorite Jim Carrey movie, I’ll recite lines for our enjoyment.

Rosen: Great idea. I always thought The Number 23 was underrated.

JiCa: Oh. Hey, gee, know what? Actually I have to go. I forgot I have this, uh, thing I have to do. I’ll call you later! Bye!

Rosen: Sigh. Alrighty then.